“Beautiful vacation rental in Wadern, near beautiful Schloss Dagstuhl,” the advert had said. “Cottage on the grounds of the largest apiary in Western Germany. Learn about beekeeping, and sample our natural cosmetics and organic honey,” it said. The advert very definitely had NOT said “you will awaken to find your windows black with bees, a vast buzzing seeming to penetrate your every cell, and the cottage door creaking as though being pushed inward by a tremendous force.” If it had, we would have gone for the place in Bordeaux, with three wine tastings per day.